Last Week I'll be a Teenager.

I turn 20 in a week from today. 20!!! I'm not ready to be that old, and to no longer be a teenager. I feel like I should have it more together and more figured out by now. But that's how its been with other milestones. I thought I would have had way more figured out when I joined young women's, and then when I started high school and turned 16 and could drive, and then when I graduated, and then when I started college. But here I am in my almost third year (yikes!!) and everything is so different than I thought it would be. I've realized that you can watch people close to you accomplish things like graduation or college and think you know how it will be for you because of how it was for them, but when you actually reach that point nothing goes the way you thought. Not to say that it still isn't great, because it so is, but when you reach those points, you aren't even as old or as mature as you thought others were. Here are some pictures I found that I just really love. Sorry about the randomness and the super paragraph. Hopefully the pictures make it better.

Habits

Its so easy to fall back into old habits. Some are bad, like biting my nails, that I have overcome countless times due to numerous new year's resolutions, but when I get stressed when I am studying or writing a paper, I fall back into my old ways. Some are good, like cleaning up as a go while I cook or do projects (boy, has that one been drilled in). But I am mainly thinking of school habits. I find that as I write, for all kinds of classes, I still use phrases and formats that Snyder or Martin or Weaver have taught me. I am so blessed to have had such awesome teachers that have helped me become the student and the person I am today. All those years ago, and they still have a lasting impact on me. I'm grateful for the opportunity I have to go to college and for my capable mind that enjoys analyzing and learning. 

This is what I have noticed today. That as time passes, you don't realize the changes, but looking back, everything has changed, but is the same still in the ways that little habits and characteristics reemerge and find ways back into our lives. 

AZ Lovin.

For those of you who don't know, Arizona has its 101st birthday last week - Valentine's day to be exact. And since then I have thought a lot about good ol' AZ and how much I miss it. I miss the sunsets. I miss the warm, and the sun, and the wedding clouds. I miss my tan. I miss sandals and sun dresses. I miss the clear blue sky. I miss palm trees, and cactuses, and rocks. I miss hot asphalt and running through the sprinklers to cool down. I miss the flat.I miss monsoons and lightning storms and always being a little bit scared the world was ending. My heart shall forever be in Arizona. Desert girl through and through. 

And I love this etsy find! [hint hint mother ;)]

Ambition.

What a title, I have to say. It's one of those qualities that everybody wants to say they have, and to say they understand, but the truth is, very few people do. Don't get me wrong. There are some ambitious people out there who have done some amazing things, but more often then not, people either have to little or too much ambition. Too little, and you never amount to anything. Too much, and you never focus on doing one thing the best. Now these are the extremes. I'm not saying you are either a loser or a busybody. There are many different in-betweens and middle-grounds, and sometimes people can be incredibly motivated toward one aspect of their life, and totally blasé toward another.

So those are my thoughts. 

Now that I have philosophized a bit, here's why its on my mind today:

My roommates and I today were discussing majors, careers and the future -- typical topics in Mansion 22 -- and we were discussing where we would like to end up someday, and I realized I have two visions for my future that don't really coincide. 

One vision is a successful LDS one, where I get married at BYU and move back to Arizona to be near my family, and am a perfect little stay at home mom in a super cute Pinterest house where I cook interesting meals and have adorable genius prodigy children and a husband who rakes it in. 

The other is a successful worldly one, where I graduate from BYU and move to Chicago or New York or Boston or DC and become a sought after public relations specialist or communications advisor for a political campaign and live in a beautiful apartment in the city and do cultured things like attend the ballet and all kinds of galas.

Both of those scenarios I want desperately, but I don't see how they can coexist, on the simplest level, that one is set in a brownstone in DC, while the other is located in a house with a yard somewhere in Mesa. 

The most important part there, though, is that I don't see how it will work out. There is a quote from on of my first devotionals by Sister Oaks that says, "the Lord will provide a way for you to balance your ambitions." Short and sweet, but that simple phrase helps me realize that Heavenly Father knows me and knows my desires and has a plan that will allow me to be happy and the enjoy the best parts of each eventuality. 

I thought the cityscape was particularly fitting.

Bloom Where You Are Planted

Today one of my very best friends had his mission farewell. As I am far away in cold Utah, my parents went to fill in for me. They were telling me how great the talk was and about all my friends from home they talked to and it made me miss home so bad. And I got very excited to see them  when I go home when the semester is over in two months. Then I realized I won't see my college friends all summer and how much I will miss not spending time with them. I came to the conclusion that I am torn between two lives, and I will always be missing someone or something. Then my awesome Mother reminded me how lucky I am to such great friends and environments at home and at school and to always remember to enjoy the moments where ever I am. It does no good if I am always wishing to be somewhere else, with other people, just to turn around and wish I was back. I have always loved the quote "bloom where you are planted". I can thrive at home and at school in two completely different environments and I can love different things about them both. I am so grateful for all my friends and everyone I know at home and at school. You guys are the greatest!

First day of Fall.

Happy Fall everyone!! I have always really enjoyed fall because the leaves turn colors and the weather is nice and crisp. I remember the first time my parents took me to Flagstaff to see the fall leaves (since fall doesn't hit in the valley for the three total trees that drop their leaves till January) and the mountains looked like they were red and orange because there was leaves everywhere. It was so pretty against the white bark of the aspens. My favorite memory of fall, though, is definitely from last October when my family took a trip to Chicago. One of the highlights for me was one afternoon when we took our lunch to a park and ate in the shade of the beautiful orange and red trees. We started to collect leaves just to show our favorites to each other but we collected so many that we loved so much that we stuck them all in a book and took them home with us, along with about 5 pounds of acorns. I arranged them in some decorative jars we have at home and they were beautiful reminders of our trip and of what is was supposed to look like out side (haha). I wish we could have kept them up forever. I love fall! 

I want to live here so I can stare at this everyday.